Bobby’s 100WC challenge week#18

I was just wandering round my old, damp shed when I saw two long, pink things. I decided to hang them up on the wooden roof with my web. Inside smelt horrific like a mouse has been eating cheese none stop for 20 years.”Muuuuuuuuummm theres a ugly spider in the shed”.

“Hey im not ugly you are”.”Kill it NOW.BANG. Sadly I got crushed and never thought of again. Still when I was in spider heaven I thought of hauting them till they die ,so they no not to kill a spider again.

18 Comments

  1. Mr London says:

    You have now been uploaded Bobby. Well done. You are post 588.

  2. Lucy says:

    Good Bobby I like the way you put ‘Kill it NOW.BANG.’

  3. Morgan says:

    Great work Bobby. Very good. 🙂 🙂

  4. Cindy Graham says:

    This is brilliant!!! Well done Bobby! Love Mum

  5. Millie Smith says:

    Great work Bobby.

  6. Neil Parkinson says:

    Great word challenge!

  7. Jake says:

    Very good speech and an awesome 4a sentence.

  8. Sarah Holden says:

    Well done Bobby! Good work

  9. Theresa Anderson says:

    Well done Bobby!

  10. Emily says:

    Wonderful!! Well done bobby

  11. Emma says:

    Wow well done Bobby. I read this out to my two girls Mia and Maisie and they both thought it was excellent!!

    Emma (friends with your mum) x
    Ireland

  12. Rachel Capper says:

    Good job Bobby, great story.

  13. Laura Kirlew says:

    Wow! Well done, Bobby! The poor spider! I’ll think twice before squashing one again. Especially with the beasties we get in España! Xxx (mum’s friend)

  14. Dylan Smith says:

    Great work Bobby.

  15. Kate Graham says:

    Great work love auntie Kate.

  16. Mr London says:

    I wouldn’t be surprised if there are people outside school on Monday asking for your autograph Bobby! Just look how many fantastic comments you’ve received for this short piece of writing alone.

    You’ve definitely have a captive, global audience and you’ve gained us another two flags! I’ve been blogging with various classes now for some time and I’ve never seen such a great response from someone’s very first 100WC entry. I’m going to set you a challenge to be showcased on the 100WC site by the end of Year 5. You are already well on the way, but it will take practice and determination. You have shown great imagination in this piece and you are clearly engaging your audience. I love the way you’ve introduced yourself as a spider to the reader. You must now thoroughly check your work before posting. Here you’ve missed some spelling mistakes (haunting, know rather than no) and some punctuation (closing speech marks after ‘kill it now’). The one thing I’d like you to really concentrate on is the flow of your writing. Each sentence should be linked in some way, or your writing will be disjointed. Your first paragraph, for example, includes several unconnected themes: pink shoes; the narrator being introduced to the reader as a spider (my web); the smell inside the shed and a new character finding the spider. Next time just pick one theme and roll with it. This is a tricky skill to master, but I’ve every faith that you’ll get there!

  17. Mrs Murray says:

    I love the twist at the end Bobby – where the spider dreams of getting his own back! Well done for getting a post on the 100wc!! Good luck with being showcased.

  18. Amy says:

    Brilliant Bobby, well done!

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