Oliwia’s 100WC

“Mum,what’s for pudding?” I called hopefully.

“Custard!”My mum answered.

“Yes!”I screamed and ran to the kitchen table.The next thing I knew I stuck my silver spoon into the crumbly custard and stuck it in my mouth.The custard tasted like one thousand fireworks exploding in my mouth, like ten thousand shooting stars piercing through my pink sensitive tongue. It tasted as if forty thousand elephants in high heels were scurrying over my gums. It seems like fifty daggers were stabbing my teeth. It was so awful. How would you feel if you had to taste this?

5 Comments

  1. Mr London says:

    I love the idea of forty thousand elephants in high heels scurrying over your gums Oliwia. What a great image you are creating for the reader! Well done for remembering to include ‘the custard tasted like’ in your 100 words. Unfortunately I didn’t get to your post in time to upload it to the 100WC site. It’s a shame because I think you would have received some great comments. If you have time this week have a go at the new prompt and I promised to upload your entry.

    You’ve used lots of great similes in this piece. Next time pick just one really effective simile so it has more impact. The image of a herd of elephants in high heels on your gums was so good I felt the other similes got slightly lost. An impressive first 100WC Oliwia! I look forward to reading many more.

  2. Mrs Murray says:

    What a taste explosion Oliwia! What was in the custard! The images that burst into the reader’s head are amazing – you have really used your imagination and a wonderful range of imagery and vocab – keep it up Oliwia!

  3. Miss Costigan says:

    Wow Oliwia!! What an incredible and effective use of adjectives and simile about fireworks exploding in your mouth – you have made my mouth water reading this! I can’t wait to read more!

  4. Nadia says:

    I really enjoyed reading your piece it was amazing! The way you describe how it tasted was really cool. I don’t think I want to try that custard!!!

  5. Jake says:

    Well done Oliwia. You have used some great techniques in that writing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *